Change: It starts with Me

     A few days back, one of my teachers in the school yelled at my whole class for not completing any of our assignments on time.  He told us how irresponsible we were and that all the teachers, who taught us, were tired of us; tired of expecting us to work or score good.

     That day, I knew that I had to do something and change this point of view of my teachers…at least for me!  And so I decided that I’m going to change myself, improve myself so that I myself don’t feel like such a bad kid; so that my teachers can believe in me again.

     I also figured that there are many changes I need to make in myself outside my academic life too.
    I realized that, I need to be more focused on what-so-ever it is that I do. I need to be concentrated and dedicated in all ways.  I need to stick to what I decide to do. It’s not that I am not concentrated or dedicated, I am.  But, I just feel it’s not enough! I feel that, or rather I know that, I can do much better than what I already do.
  I think I also need to do something in order to be more cool-minded and not so short-tempered.  I tend to get angry and furious really soon, not on small things really, but then when I get angry, it takes me a lot of time to cool down; and that is what I’d love to change. I think its okay for a person to get angry, but the person should have the ability to cool down soon too.And that is what I lack.

     I’d also like to get a little more particular about things and learn to do things on time. I always prefer doing things at the end moment, which is why I am never able to give my 100% to whatever I do.  So, I believe that if I start doing things not at the end moment, but before, I might do wonders.

     I think starting with these few changes first might be enough. A lot more I need to change, but if I get on it together, none of them might actually happen.  It’s like, one step at a time.

     Sometimes everything around you is so messed up that you find yourself in the middle of hay, without any way to get out of it.  Sometimes all you can do is, just let whatever is happening, happen and wait for your life to take another turn and change again…for good or for bad.

     People often say that change is in our hands. But that isn’t always true. Sometimes people change out of fear, without even realizing that they’re changing.  And sometimes they change because they think it’s important for them to change in order to survive in such a cruel world.

     And sometimes people also change so that everybody stops thinking that they’re a pushover and so that they don’t get hurt anymore.  Sometimes people get scared and close themselves to the society…just so to be safe that no one will come and hurt them again!

     Not everybody is as strong as somebody.  But everybody tries; no matter what someone thinks.  It’s just that, when some people try, they get the results and the others don’t.

     I tried too for so long to get everything back to how it was; to get myself back and forget whatever happened.  Somewhere deep down I’m still trying.  But sometimes it just doesn’t work and you have to realize that maybe this is how it is supposed to be…either you like it or not.

     I accepted my change and my new life because I couldn’t keep obsessing about it and spoiling my life; I accepted that things have to change and so do people because it’s important.

     I accepted that this is how I am going to be because this is how the situations have made me. And that living with this me, is the least I can do.

     I am a person who is afraid of unhappy because if nobody can make me feel better when I feel sad I will feel sadder.  Some people choose to sleep, eat, travel, drink, smoke, or talk...  However, in most cases, sometimes I will choose to be silent if I don't want to hide my sadness, yet in other cases, I will seem like a happy talkative person if I hope nobody knows.

      I still don't know when I can change my situation, but I hope it will get better and better!